(This is one of those STATE OF THE WRITER-type posts. Some people call in Navel Gazing, though with a salute to G.K. Chesterton and his Orthodoxy I will take a Western slant to it and gaze outwards quite a bit as I do so …)
In a response to one of my recent blogs, particularly my revision to the weekly blog schedule, someone questioned whether with the responsibilities I currently have in my life, whether I should be spending so much time writing, i.e. the blog, and instead should concentrate more on employment, career, and earning a livelihood.
I had a very severe internal response to that comment. I will elucidate.
It made me think of the above video clip from Babylon 5 and its scriptural reference. Actually two different types of references: In one, most closely related to the song, the wicked flee to the rocks and the rocks do not hide them.; In the other rock reference, scripture says if the gospel is not spoken by children the rocks themselves will cry forth.
I feel myself somewhere caught between the two on this one. For if I do not write, that is when I am in trouble, or a sign I am in trouble, a sign I am dying, bit by bit, from within. And thus this past year was a sign that all was not well with me, that the writing, that the fount was gone, drying up. so the suggestion to stop up the well to attend to more important matters have a very backwards and perverse feeling to it, had to justify in the numbers, but life doesn’t go by the numbers alone.
I am finding myself writing again, and so many things conspiring to shut the font off, many of them well-intentioned. But writing is Jonathan’s Well, and like Jacob’s well, it is a source of life from within, for me at least. And I do not want to stifle my own life. There are too many others already able and willing to do that.
That was my intent. And yet I have had a long spell of life interruptus, and not getting any writing done. There is a sense of losing myself, of being broken, of always trying to find myself.
And yet, I am reconstructing myself. There is a new job, in a new field, promotion offered two weeks into the job. And somewhere in here I intend to get back to writing. So please be patient, and check up on what I post when I check in with something to write.